Let Me
by bad-wolf-bay
Summary: you can't keep doing this, you have to let us in, you can't always protect us!why cant you understand that? why cant you understand i have to do this ON MY OWN! COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

The first thing I noticed about Moony when he opened the door was how red his eyes were and thin he looked. His eyes held pain, worry, despair and regret. He wore muggle clothing that looked as if he was wearing something Hagrid had given him. He was stooping over and he looked like he hadn't slept or eaten at all since that day, even with Mrs. Weasley in the house. He tried a smile.

'Hello Hermione.'

I tried to smile back but couldn't.

'Jesus Moony, you look awful.'

'Thanks. Come in, everybody's out except Harry.'

His eyes clouded over with despair as he looked up the stairs as he closed the door behind me.

I left my trunk in the hall and followed him down into the kitchen, not noticing the changes in the once dark house.

As we sat down with some tea, again I noticed how frail he was and how hard he was trying to keep his hands still so not to drop his cup. I took it from him.

'How is he – and you?'

'He's not good. He spent one night at Privet Drive then flew here in the early hours of the morning. He locked himself in the attic the minute he got here and only leaves to go to the bathroom, and that's it.'

He got up and started pacing, wringing his hands.

'I don't know what to do. I don't know how to comfort him, when I can't even comfort myself. I'm a wreck as you can plainly see. I promised Sirius that I would look after him. The last time I was left alone with him he was an 11-month-old baby! He's almost 16 now! He was much closer to Sirius than me. It was sires who was the father figure, not me. I'm just the professor, the werewolf. But I'm grieving too, more than him. This is the second time I've lost him, this time for real, for good. It's been bad enough going to James' grave, but Sirius as well? I'm the last Marauder at 37! (Is that how old they're supposed to be, anyway around the late 30's) we were supposed to have kids together who would terrorize Hogwarts together and be the next Marauder generation. They were supposed to graduate together. James said he would be the first grandfather. We were supposed to be old and grey, Sirius flirting with the nurses in the old people's home, we were supposed to die . . . to

die . . .'

His weak legs collapsed and he fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't know what to do. I ran to him and tried to comfort him.

'Moony, you've still got Harry, just as he's still got you. Both of you just need to realize that. You need to be strong for him, but before you can do that you've got to look after yourself, or you're going to become really ill and probably scare us all. Harry can't loose you moony, he may not be showing it but he needs you. You knew Sirius and James; you're his last link to his past, his parents, just as he's your last link.'

Before I could continue the Weasley's came back. Thankfully they all went upstairs except Mrs. Weasley. She stopped when she saw Moony.

'Remus Lupin, sit down at that table right now.'

He automatically stopped crying and wiped his face before sitting back down at the table obediently.

'Now, you are going to eat tonight.'

'Right lil—Molly,'

Mrs. Weasley bustled around the kitchen to make him something to eat, but I turned to him at sat opposite him.

'You almost said Lily.'

'Yes I know. 1979, the first mission James and Sirius were sent on on their own. They were gone 3 months. I hardly ate a thing. I was so worried, it had always been the 3 of us, but I wasn't an Aurur. I didn't see Lily very much until she almost broke the door down. She stayed with me for the month until Dumbledore came and told us they were back. She had said those exact words to me. You better go and see Harry, just keep climbing the stairs. The last flight is quite dangerous, you might have to break the door.'

He smiled weakly, though he was still caught up in the memory.

'Make sure you do eat, before I force you.'

He groaned at hit his head on the table repeatedly muttering something about Potters and head strong muggle born women, but nodded all the same.

I walked out of the kitchen cursing Voldemort and his Death Eaters to high heaven.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

I passed Ron on the second landing. He just nodded in understanding. He didn't look to good either, well, having your best friend who's like your brother locking himself away can do that to you I suppose. I smiled in greeting and carried on up the stairs. I wasn't really surprised not to hear any explosions coming from the twins' room, I had no idea where Ginny was.

I stopped at the bottom of the last flight of stairs. I suddenly felt apprehensive. What if he said he didn't want to be my friend anymore? What if he said things he would regret but I couldn't forgive? What if he had done something stupid or was planning to? Too many thought ran through my head, that I didn't want to think about.

Remembering his plea for me to live in June, I forced myself up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

The door swung open. I frowned in confusion. Neither Moony nor Ron had been able to open the door. Cautiously I walked

inside.

The room was covered in a thick layer of dust, boxes, school trunks, books, things the Black family had obviously collected

over the years, and a small lump in the corner were barley visible in the feeble lights of the candles.

I looked around on the floor for a way to get to the lump and upon finding a route I saw lines in the dust on the floor, as if

things had been dragged. Looking again ton the lump, I saw 3 Hogwarts trunks, and boxes filled with cloths, books, photos

and what looked like prank items.

Without looking where I was going I kept tripping over things and slipping on liquid things I hoped never to name. I reached

the lump and gently sat down beside it. I stared down upon the tearstained face of my best friend; the young man whom all

out hoped depended on, the young man who was always strong, the leader. The one who gave the hopeless, hope, the

weak, strength, the disbeliveers, belief, and the darkness, light.

But who was there to be strong for him, to lead him, give him hope and strength, and help him believe, to be the light in the

darkness of his life and mind.

He had no one to turn to, to see him at his weakest, to see him breakdown and show emotions he had kept hidden by a

force beaten into him in his years of hell and slavery.

Asleep. Not even at peace asleep. I watched his face screw up in pain, his legs kicking about as if he was running and his

back arched as he cried out in agony.

'NO! p-lease, I-I-I didn't m-mean t-to-please-NO!'

He yelped then fell silent. His whole body went limp and his face turned to stone.

I also stared crying. As he had moved the cloak he was wearing slipped off his shoulders revealing rags. He wouldn't have

looked out of place on the streets of London in Victorian times. A beggar looked better than he did. He had put his hands up

to protect his face and I was horrified as the skin was stretched to its limit over his bones. Sticks disappeared into the sleeves

of his cloak, collarbone jutting outwards. His trousers were tied around his tiny waist with a piece of string, his legs curled up

in a ball, the trainers he had worn all year all of a sudden seemed 4 times too big for him.

Suddenly his legs shot out with his arms by his side, palms facing upwards. His head rolled to the side facing away from me,

the sleeves moving upwards as he pulled his shoulders closer to his ears. I vomited at the sight.

Deep welts cut into his wrists and on his right wrist was a thin piece of rope still tied repeatedly around it almost cutting of the

circulation. I cleaned up my mess and I inched forward. Slowly I reached out and pulled the sleeve up and saw many other

cuts and welts covering his arm. They looked as if someone just lashed out at anything they could reach.

I screamed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

He sat bolt up right and had me up against the wall with his wand at my throat before I could blink. I stared wide-eyed into

the holes that used to be the eyes of Harry James Potter. I don't know why then, but looking into the black depths that used

to hold such happiness and love of adventure, I cried. I cried in pain at seeing him like this, I cried in horror at the change in

him, but most of all, I cried in despair. He looked too gone to be saved. What could _I _of all people do to bring back the life

into the glazed orbs of green? Harry automatically realized who I was and backed away. I wiped my tears and tried a smile.

'Hi Harry? How are you?'

I knew I shouldn't have said that, I knew he would get angry, he would start shouting, maybe throw something. . . .nothing.

I got nothing. He stared back at me. No smile, no flicker of recognition in his eyes, no anger, no movement. Nothing

What in t blazes was I supposed to do now?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

If felt like an eternity. We continued to stare at each other. He never blinked.

'Get out.'

I almost jumped out of my skin at the harshness of his voice. I knew he was trying to push people away. I wouldn't let him.

'No.'

'Leave.'

'No'

'Go away.'

'No.'

'Fuck off.'

'No.'

'Go to hell.'

'No.'

'GO-A-WAY!'

'No.'

'**GET OUT!'**

This time I did jump as he screamed at me, his voice hoarse, eyes burning with anger. I didn't show it, I couldn't, but at that

moment I was terrified of the boy-who-refused-to-die. That much was obvious from his eyes, the windows to his soul, the

reason he could never lie to me, and I knew what I was looking for. Before I could delve deeper into the maze, that is his mind,

the windows slammed shut and bolted. At least I got him to speak. Better than nothing.

'Please speak to me.'

He turned away from me and walked away over to the 3 Hogwarts trunks, spreading dust with each step. He sat down in front

of one, which had a name indented by a neat childish hand, '_James Potter.'_ The others I saw had belonged to, _'Lily Evans' _

and_ 'Sirius Black.' _That was at least part of the reason he locked himself up here. I stood up and went over to him. I put a hand

on his shoulder. He flinched, but moved closer to me.

'He's gone Harry.'

'I know, I'm just scared.'

'Of what?' now I was worried, Harry was never scared.

'Of who else I'm gong to loose in this war.' I didn't believe this was the whole reason, but I could get to that later.

'Harry. . . you can't blame every death on you. Sirius didn't die because of you, your parents didn't die because of you, no one

ever has and no one will.'

He looked up at me and I could tell he was debating something. He hesitated for a moment.

'You can't promise that Hermione. The prophecy, the prophecy – I've got to do this alone. Only I can do it and he knows it.

Others are killed and tortured for fun, pleasure.

But the Weasley's, the Order, Ron, Remus, Tonks – you. All of you could be captured, torture and god knows what, just to get

at me, to lure me to him. I won't have a choice. He'll go for those I can't live without.

How long do you think Ron would last under torture? How long would you last? I don't want to think about it.'

I sat down and he looked at me, emotion running through his eyes, tears forming.

I began to sing:

**Tears are in your eyes**

**Come on and come to me**

**Don't be ashamed to cry**

**Let me see you through**

**Cause I've seen the dark side to.**

The tears fell from the prisons they'd been locked in for far too long. I opened my arms and he gratefully leaned in to me.

When night falls on you 

**You don't know what to do**

**Nothing you confess**

**Could make me love you less.**

His shoulders shook as his sobs racked his body.

I'll stand by you 

**I'll stand by you**

**Won't let anybody hurt you**

**I'll stand by you.**

My own tears fell into his hair and I tightened my grip on him.

**So if you're mad get mad**

**Don't hold it all inside**

**Come on and come talk me to mw now**

**And hey, what you got to hide?**

I felt him tense up, but I rubbed his back in soothing circles and rocked him gently.

**In get angry to**

**But I'm a lot like you**

**When you're standing at the crossroads**

**Don't know what path to choose.**

The sobs had stopped, his breathing was even, I barley heard him;

'Don't leave me alone.'


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

That was 3 years ago. He finally opened up to each of us in turn about the abuse at the Dursleys. Moony went mad. When

did he ever have a temper? He told us of the prophecy and w all helped him through it. The only one to die was Percy, he

never apologized to his family, and they never forgave him, not even in death.

Harrys very close to Remus now. It's wonderful. Every now and then you can still hear shrieks of laughter and yells of each

other's names as they pull pranks on each other, along with the normal curses Remus sends skywards to James.

Right now, I could be sending my own curses up to the old Marauder. His son's wedding day and he's supposed to be

making sure I'm absolutely sure. Well I have Dumbledore, McGonagall, Remus and even Snape asking me instead. Oh well.

Life's surprising when you just let someone in, all you have tobe is patient.


End file.
